Now I have cried enough for awhile!

Tonight was the candle lighting I blogged about the other day. Those of you who remembered to light a candle tonight either for my son or somebody of your own thank you and I am sure our loved ones smiled down on us. My day started rough today. When I miss my son my arms hurt. It might sound weird but they litterally ache I do not know if because I used to hold him alot but that is what happened today in church.I miss him so much I sometimes can see his eyes when I close mine. I know the pain has gotten better but this candle lighting is always hard, to hear his name and our message read outloud again makes my heart not only smile but crumble ,if that is possible. I wish he could play with the twins he would of loved them. I realized today in church that the twins are not only boys but normal health boys who are going to do normal crazy stuff. Maybe it was Zachary going into the big boy walking room ot our pastor talking about our new skateboard misistry. but it hit me hard then tonight is always hard. Every year for the past three years I come across the same family and they are awsome the pics below of the little girl is thier daughter. I think our children are trying to bring us together and we need to go with it. We now have new babies that are 7 days apart in age, And they for some reason came to this vigal instead of the one by their house. Any way tonight was sad so many new deaths some just weeks and some just months ago children, teens and young adults. If any of you have lost somebody I am so sorry. I took some pics of tonight I would like to share them with you.

My son is the one with the smile and the cheerleader and the girl in the boat is the girl to the family I was talking about. This was just our corner.
Here was the table of pics. This was full and still half the people forgot to bring their pics because they were new to coming and did not know.
These are the candles they provided. Lit at 7 and blown out at 8pm to pass to the next time zone my their light shine forever in our hearts and forever in those whom they have touched.

If you look close yiou can see all the candles. I forgot my tripod so I could not use my night settings but this is only half.

I hope my son saw our light tonight and I hope he felt our love. It is a love that will never die and an emptyness that will never be filled. Yes I can move on and live my life day to day but it does not mean that I have forgotten or stopped loving him and the time he was here with us.

So:Evan Michael Carrillo please keep watching over us we love you and miss you. Know my aching heart and feel my pain take it to God help us through this. Merry Christmas and I know that one day my arms will no longer ache for you baby. One day they will be filled with your love again.